Oscar Luncheon with the Falcon

Well, tonight's the night. As I write this, I am enjoying a small pigeon for luncheon in my Mays Landing nest. We give the servants off on Oscar Day. It's the least we can do. I have servants because my nest is in the bourgeois part of Hamilton Township....which is right by...well....you know where....um....yea....right there.

Here's my final 2012 Academy Award observations.

There has never been a year in which the Falcon and the Academy seemingly agree so much. Maybe that means tonight will be filled with upsets. Oh, who are we kidding...the Oscars are as predictable as a Weisback midterm. These will be the winners with the Falcon's "talon of approval."

Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer, BEGINNERS. Performance of the Year. Plummer's gay dad is an "everyman," struggling with identity and mortality. Despite the complexities of his actions, he is apologetic, but also unyielding in his embrace of one last chance to live the life he's dreamed of. Plummer peppers the doomed character with a lovable panache that makes the audience deeply mourn the character's passing.

BUT...flirting with nuns are still not cool.

Who Got Hosed: No one. I wasn't impressed with Ryan Gosling, Patton Oswald...Nick Nolte or Jonas Hill for that matter. It's Plummer, and then everyone else.

Best Actress: Viola Davis, THE HELP
Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer, THE HELP

From the moment these women hit the screen, there is an authenticity and genuineness that punctuates their performances. They demand attention. Their chutzpah makes the film enjoyable.

That said. THE HELP is not as good as the sum of its parts. The plot is somewhat cartoonish with its over-simplified view of Jim Crow Mississippi.  nderstand, human teenagers, that these women would've been lynched for their crimes in the real Jackson. Don't kid yourself. The dangers were more real than THE HELP suggests. Poop pie would've resulted in certain death, or at least a heck of a lot more than being condescended by Ron Howard's hot daughter.

THE HELP was cute, but don't mistake this for any real representation of the horrors of Jim Crow.Here's an Oscar winning film that got it closer to right:



Hosed Actresses: Shailene Woodley. I didn't know she was in some lame ABC Family (or whatever) show when she stole some scenes from George Clooney in THE DESCENDENTS. All I knew was that she honestly evoked the instability and uncertainty of a teenager caught between a mother's memory and the reality of that mother's transgressions. It's hard to learn our parents are actual people...flawed and regretful. Woodley's maturation is the film is her acceptance of this truth for both parents. One is still alive, and her new-found respect for Clooney's Matt King is the source of the film's hope. Her performance deserved recognition.



Well that's it, human teenagers. Watch the Oscars...but only on your iPads or other approved Apple product. Until next year, be brave, drive slowly and watch overhead! For...