Televison Without Pity

For those of you who have never heard of this site need to check it out ASAP!
Televisionwithoutpity.com

Here is the Live Blog of the 2010 Oscars! (If you missed it =D)

8:30 - All the Best Actor and Best Actress nominees are on stage at once, as if we won't see them 6,000 times tonight.

8:32 - Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin look a lot like NPH when they're singing at the same time.

8:33 - A Busby Berkeley tribute? Who directed this? Adam Shankman? Oh, right.

8:37 - Confusing "dame" and "damn" is total dad humor. AND WE LOVE IT!

8:39 - Can't tell if Gabby Sidibe gets The Jerk reference, but she sure looks like she maybe does. And that's why she's nominated for an acting award and her co-star Mariah Carey is not.

8:41 - We know we just said we liked corny dad humor, but this is getting ridiculous. And remind us: why isn't Steve Martin hosting this solo?

8:46 - Supporting actors are great and all, but these are the longest clips we've ever seen in our entire lives. They're like those "entire movie in seven minutes" videos you see on YouTube, multiplied by five.

8:48 - Congratulations, Christoph Waltz! Uber-bingo, indeed. The first missed chance for an upset of probably many tonight!

8:53 - Really dreading nine more of these unnecessary Best Picture clips packages tonight. Anyone who doesn't know what these movies are already shouldn't be watching in the first place.

8:57 - Man, Secret of Kells -- we still don't know how you pulled off that nomination. Bravo.

8:58 - Didn't we just see all of these nominees? Is twice necessary? Especially since Up is obviously winning?

9:01 - Miley Cyrus looks afraid to move her shoulders, or else her dress will fall to the ground. Play it safe, Miley.

9:03 - Once again, we are stunned to see what T-Bone Burnett actually looks like. we keep expecting a ponytail, a five o'clock shadow and a crocodile-skin hat.

9:06 - Steve Martin's Last Station joke aside, this entire telecast should have been tagged with a "spoiler alert" at the beginning. These clips are blowing up endings left and right. Luckily, they're all still worth seeing, being Oscar-nominated films and all.

9:12 - RDJ and Tina Fey win for best presentation of the night. we don't need to see the rest of the telecast to call it. Someone get RDJ on 30 Rock.

9:15 - Hurt Locker takes Best Original Screenplay, and the screenwriter gives a great, quick speech. Yay, writers! Excuse us while we try to find a single page in the Inglourious Basterds screenplay that isn't better than the totality of The Hurt Locker.

9:18 - Seeing present-day Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick together on stage is creating a warp tunnel in our brains. R.I.P. John Hughes.

9:22 - GAAAHHHHH! Multiple warp tunnels! In our brains! But where's James Spader, Michael Schoeffling, Ilan Mitchell-Smith and Alan Ruck? Did Cameron get screwed yet again?

9:34 - People who win these Best Short awards always look so admirably unembarrassed to be boring millions upon millions of people. This and only this is why DVRs were invented.

9:37 - we want to use the bottom of Zoe Saldana's dress as the most dramatic ponytail holder ever.

9:38 - Say what you want about Ben Stiller -- the man commits to a bit. Full Na'vi makeup and made up language award presentation FTW.

9:40 - We want to plug our brains into your dragon too, Ben Stiller. Dirty talk (we think?) is always best when it makes no sense.

9:48 - Really important and RELEVANT question: Rachel McAdams: Better as a blonde or a brunette?

9:49 - Precious beats Up in the Air for Best Adapted screenplay. An upset for sure, but it should have been In the Loop. Now that would've been a freaking great speech.

9:51 - It's OK to act like you didn't know you'd win if you really didn't know. We feel for this guy.

9:52 - We don't know what's more embarrassing: Making Queen Latifah get all dressed up just to introduce this random Lauren Bacall dinner party clip package, or making her acknowledge that Bringing Down the House happened.

9:59 - Congratulations, Mo'Nique. Just because it was expected doesn't mean it wasn't deserved. And remember: she's also winning for being overlooked for her work in Beerfest.

10:00 - For some reason, Colin Firth always sounds like a Dickens character to me. Even his name sounds Dickensian. "What larks, Colin Firth! What larks!"

10:06 - "James Cameron, this Oscar sees you." The latest entry in the list of worst Art Designer acceptance speeches of all time.

10:09 - When a Costume Designer wins her third Oscar, is it still called a hat trick?

10:12 - "Hello, I'm Charlize Theron, and I was once in a movie as depressing as Precious."

10:18 - Decent Paranormal Activity parody by Steve and Alec. Also, that shambling Kristen Stewart homunculus is so realistic! (Cough.)

10:21 - That's two clips tonight that showcase a very young Alec Baldwin!

10:23 - Hollywood Rule #1: When you need a narrator, Morgan Freeman always has right of first refusal.

10:25 - Hurt Locker gets Best Sound Editing and Best Sound Mixing? That's three for them. They're building momentum!

10:28 - And also, the nerd Oscars happened. Moving on!

10:36 - "Mishigas"? Who knew Sandy Bullock was down with the old country Yiddish. Probably learned it from George Lopez.

10:37 - Oh no, the death montage. As we all know, everyone died this year. Get ready to cry.

10:38 - They should've kept going with the instrumental "Unchained Melody" instead.

10:41 - That was like two seconds long. How is that possible? 194,838,474 show business legends died last year! Including Farrah Fawcett, who was missing from the montage. Why the Cannonball Run hate, Oscars?

10:42 - Will this year's Oscar telecast be included in next year's In Memoriam? 'Cause this thing's flatlined, and so has the audience at the Kodak.

10:43 - ABC has this scheduled to be over at 11:30. Very funny, guys.

10:47 - Slow down, dancers! We can't tell which ones of you were on So You Think You Can Dance when you're all flailing about like that!

10:51 - Ahh, good to see Kayla's being as needlessly fawned over on this show as she was on SYTYCD. Well, maybe good isn't the word. Freaking incomprehensible? Can we use those two words?

10:54 - Best Visual Effects was of course going to Avatar, but we would have watched a movie where a bunch of guys in silver spandex jumpsuits were evicted from their ghetto near Johannesburg.

10:57 - That Up in the Air clip package didn't have nearly enough Sam Elliott.

11:01 - Matt Damon may be the first Oscar-winning screenwriter to becomes an action star, but not the first nominated writer to do so. That honor goes to Sylvester Stallone, of course.

11:04 - Finally, the star of Short Circuit, Short Circuit 2 and Hackers has won an Oscar! Unfortunately it was for a documentary about killing dolphins. Still, it counts. Now the entire world knows who's Johnny.

11:06 - Snuggie!

11:07 - Best Editing for Hurt Locker. Just sayin'...

11:08 - "Hello, I'm Keanu Reeves, and I was also once in a movie about a bomb." (As well as Bigelow's Point Break, natch).

11:14 - If Quentin Tarantino isn't going to point out that that lampshade backdrop makes it look like they're being attacked by Space Invaders, we're going to.

11:16 - The Secret in Their Eyes takes Best Foreign Language Film! All those of you who picked it at random in your Oscar polls, congratulations.

11:21 - "Hi. I'm Kathy Bates, and I'm also a 3D character designed on a computer by James Cameron."

11:26 - Best Actor. They're doing that "five people present to five people" again, but this time with people who actually have a connection to those people. Good move. Still a time-waster, but at least they didn't do it for the supporting roles.

11:28 - Aww, Tim Robbins is making Morgan Freeman get all glisteny-eyed. Man, they're all getting glisteny-eyed. We guess it's pretty cool to be praised by a friend on national television.

11:32 - The Dude abides, man. He also wins Oscars. Let's see if he thanks his stand-in again!

11:40 - Damn, Forest Whitaker, getting FIT.

11:41 - Yes, Peter Sarsgaard, we know you're a fancy, distinguished STAGE actor.

11:43 - Did these actresses cure cancer or something? Why is this thing taking so long?

11:45 - Gabby Sidibe looking so overwhelmed at Oprah's tribute is making me overwhelmed.

11:48 - Yet another predictable win. At least Sandra Bullock is the most likable woman on the planet to make up for it.

11:50 - Is there any other actress who is more the antithesis of an asshole than Sandy? Good for her. Nice Beyonce infallible lip gloss too.

11:52 - Barbra Streisand just walked on stage and we immediately turned into Daffy Duck.

11:55 - And Kathryn Bigelow actually beat James Cameron. That's cool. The Hurt Locker is a good movie. We don't think we've ever had so few feelings and opinions during an Academy Awards show in our entire lives.

11:58 - Haha! The Hurt Locker mopped the floor with Avatar and we only went a half hour over. All in all a very inoffensive, albeit mostly dull, Oscars. Night, everybody!